isit too much for me.?

ha.i 've got alot alot alot to tell.
shut the thing off if u are nt patient enuff to read.*i don mind*
just let me blast eberything out so that i feel better.

warning:it's totally emo and sad.
things are making me crazy this few weeks.
i doubt my ability.
seriously.
i tried very very hard to cope with all the things
but what turns out is .
i ruined every single things
....
i m sorry.
seriously.i m making more troubles for u.
i arranged once u haf to change it so that it is a better one.
i dont want this to happen.
it's like.u are helping me alot alot alot.
n i m repeating my mistakes.
n i cant even arrange it nicely.
gosh.
i m so ooooooooo.USELESS.
and i dont deserve it.
should i just give up.???
can i??
i felt irresponsible like that.
but i already tried my best.
i really dont know what should i do

u expected alot alot more from me.
n i bet i disappointed u once n twice.
gahhhhh.shall i said i m like that.
or shall i tell u i dont work hard enough.

i m afraid.
seriously.


=======================================
u know what i found that life's seriously miserable.
i dont get life.
i always ask myself why is my life like that.
does everyone go thru the same thing as i do..?
why must i get to know that much about life.
i know.
life is beautiful.
but it's also get dark when the sun sets.
do u ever know how lonely is that.?
i m thankful that my health is ok.i got a great family.
but why.
under that.
there's still alot alot alot.
why must ppl keep telling me how life is?
the dark side of it.
telling me the truth they'd been thru thats seriously not what i want.

i m just an ordinary girl.
who wants what i want.
do u know how many times did i smile in the previous week.
n how many times i did when i was in form 2.
why must we getting 'matured' and. having lesser smiles on our face.
I DONT WANT THAT,!

but,can i???

=======================================================

do u know clowns have tears that are unseen.?
how much they worked are unknown
what they know is .
i want to make the kids smile.
they did stupid stuff to make ppl laugh.
but.
do you know what the clowns are thinking?
i'm alone.
why must it be like that.
no one knows.
what can i do?
i m tired.
really.
but,will the laughter continues without me?
let's think about it.

*took @ Sabah.m i good in taking pictures...*nod*

*unpredictable.

i miss christmas.i miss last year.

can u see what's underneath?*